Wondertrash®

3rd Rock From the Sun's Kristen Johnston is the latest actress to sound the anorexia alert. Kristen has recently dropped a ton of weight. Well not literally a ton, but a good percentage of her body weight. Seems that Kristen has lost about 60 pounds - and in under 18 months. Naturally when an actress has been out of work for a while, and then drops some major poundage, the rumour mills jumps to the most likely theory - that she desperate and starting to crack up.

However Kristen can account for the missing weight, with a story that just might be believable. Seems that while out of work, Ms Kristen turned to the bottle, and fattening foods for solace. After a busy day of doing what ever it was that she did, she retire to a restaurant or bar with a pack of friends, and embark on a feeding frenzy accompanied by frequent rounds of refreshing potables from the bar. This caused Kristen to bloat up from a Size 6 to a Size 12 pretty quick. It caused something else to, a perforated ulcer.

Kristen first twigged in to her health condition while chatting with friends. One minute she was her bright and bubbly self, and the next she was doubled over on the floor screaming for help. As a matter of fact the experience frightened the shit out of Johnston, who immediately swore off the sauce, and went on a salad diet health trip. Nowadays naught but lettuce and oatmeal will pass her lips, plus the occasional treat of fresh salmon. In fact Johnston is a little defensive about the anorexia rumours, and wants you all to know that she's not some fat actress (nor a Jenny Craig drop out. Oprah won't friends int his direction!). Today she teaches drama at the Atlantic Theater in NYC. She also claims that she's going to put on maybe 6 to 12 pounds, just to stay healthy. That might have sounding more convincing if she'd said 15 - 20 pounds. It's all about the health, right?

If she's really so concerned about her image career weight then why doesn't she join Scientology? They are the experts on the human mind. They used to be experts on projecting the right image, but these days not so much. Or she could do some reality TV deal, documenting her efforts to maintain her health, by maintaining a minimal body mass. Maybe she might even put down the lettuce leaf and take a leaf from the Book of Kirstie. In Follywood skinny anorexic chicks are a dime a dozen, where as big fat angry chicks with attitude might be the next big thing. Either way, we look forward to seeing more, or less, of Ms Johnston, depending on which direction her load is shifting.

Random Gossip: More smut

Michael Lohan, the felonious father of Lindsay, has addressed the question of whether he has a 'love child'. Michael has told the tabloid press that he has taken the DNA paternity tests, and will know in 2 to 6 weeks.

Speaking of paternity tests, Eddie Murphy says that his next movie will be his last. At almost 50 he feels that he is too old for the Hollywood rat race. So he plans to return to stand up comedy. Stand up has never needed a boost more than it does now. Besides, why work your ass off making hit movies, when Mel B is gonna get the money?

Portuguese police are getting ready to close the books on the Madeline McCann case. That means her parents are officially off the hook as suspects. It also means that the case is officially unsolved.

Fresh news on the Raefello Follieri case. It looks like he was turned in by his girlfriend Anne Hathaway. Rumours are that she's the one who contacted the FBI. Now maybe she's taken her whole 99 Secret Agent role too seriously. Then again maybe all that mean spirited taunting from Bride Wars so star Kate Hudson finally got under her skin (Why Anne would take anything that Kate Hudson says seriously is beyond me. The general consensus about Hudson is that she is a pug faced no talent, who only gets work because of who her family is. She also seems to try and overcome her own insecurities by playing on other people's). Kate drove Anne to tears more than once on the set, by reminding Hathaway what a loser her boyfriend is. The official unofficial story is that Anne, a lapsed Catholic but ex choir girl, had enough when Follieri began fraudulently selling church property, and pocketing the money. Trying to cheat God can't be a good move.

Cruelty to animals is intolerable. Cruelty to people is a different matter. Especially when the people are celebrities! For instance Pamela Anderson is the latest celebrity to tear a strip out of poor Jessica Simpson. The cause of Anderson's ire was a "Real Women Eat Meat" T Shirt worn by Jessica. The slogan was intended as a swipe at Carrie Underwood, but PETA spokesperson Anderson took it personally. Polyehtylene Pam is a vegan, and if there was ever anything real about her, then it was surgically removed a long time ago. So you can see how the T Shirt might have hit a nerve with PA, assuming any have survived the botox!

Commenting on the offending apparel, Pam said "What does she mean real women eat meat? Does she mean food, or men?" Then turning her attention to hapless Jessica directly, Pam called the girl a "bitch" and a "whore". Now all this is pretty rich coming from the woman who practically invented the celebrity sex tape, with her then partner Dr Ding Dong - Tommy T Boner Lee. In fact even Pam's own kids are embarrassed to been seen in public with her - if recent National Enquirer pix of them out at a soccer game are any indication. I believe that was the incident where Pam ate a 'veggie dog' of unknown origin! Though it looked like mystery meat was on the menu, Pam inisiting that things weren't how they looked, & that she could explain. Well Pammy, whatever you're eating, you are 'full of it'.

Pamela is becoming a Denise Richards caliber skank bit of an asshole. The resulting public backlash reaction could well save Jess's career and public image, especially if she can get George Bush to take another jab at her. Just remember Jess, that you've been called worse things by better people! As for what could've gotten into Pam, perhaps she's passed her botox saturation point, and is starting to get brain damage??

Coming soon to Wondertrash - the Gospel of the Urban Spaceman: You'll be truly shocked by the strange tale of Mr X, as you read how a simple trip to the dentist's office lead him through a hyper dimensional portal to the Mother Ship. Now maybe his dentist was just using too much gas, but either way, he bears an astonishing message for Planet Earth! Believe me, this guy's toupee must be lined with tinfoil!

Wondertrash Bogus Zen:

If Nothing ever changes, how can everything remain the same?