Wondertrash®

It should be no surprise that Kirstie Alley is a 'big' friend of Oprah Winfrey. They have so much in common. They both love food, and now Kirstie has topped the 240 pound mark, which is what Winfrey weighed at her heaviest. It's also approximately double what Alley weighed when she worked on Cheers.

Kirstie's expanding girth has become a weighty problem requiring heavy thinking. For instance Alley had a near collapse recently, while walking across a parking lot to her car. As she approached her vehicle, she came over light headed, then her knees buckled. It took her several minutes to regain her composure. Then she hopped into her car, switched on the air conditioning, and drove off.

Friends and family members of the Fat Actress have noticed that her weight is beginning to effect her healthy. They fear that a heart attack or stroke as become inevitable. In fact just getting through the day can be a chore now. Kirstie will sometimes go out on shopping expeditions with her friends. By the time she returns, she is exhausted. She has to spread herself out on her couch, and try to catch her wind with heavily labored breaths.

Kirstie however seems to be in denial. She claims that the photographers are deliberately trying to make her look bigger than she is - perhaps using photoshop, or a special 'fat lens'. She insists that the person she sees in the paparazzi pix is not the same person she sees in her mirror. "I know I'm a little over weight" Alley says, in what is an astonish case of understatement, "but it's no big problem. I'll just drop a few pounds".

Dropping a few pounds could be a problem given her life style. Once upon a time Kirtsie enjoyed an active lifestyle; of dancing and swimming among other things. Now Kirstie racks up time on the couch, watching TV and ordering take out. The take out is usually of the most fattening variety: mushu beef & battered shrimp from LA's Chi Dynasty, or sweet and spicy Thai rolls from Pattaya. On one recent binge Alley was witnessed polishing off an enormous lumber jack type breakfast of bacon and eggs with a huge salad covered in mozzarella and avocado. Then for lunch she pigged out on fried zucchini.

Despite her exploding weight, Kirstie's career seems to be in good shape. She's landed a big movie role in Nailed with James Brolin - filmed in wide screen? She also developing - believe it or not - her own weight loss program. I guess it's for dieters who feel that they have to do something but who aren't really committed to weight loss. Also her good friend Oprah Winfrey has come to her rescue. Oprah has signed Kirstie in a yet undisclosed television project. So I guess that we'll be seeing a lot more of Kirstie, and in more ways than one!

Post Script: I don't mean to make light of Kirstie's weighty issue (in fact I am well aware of the full gravity of her situation), but maybe the answer to her problem lies in taking a leaf from the Book of Madge, and abusing anabolic steroids?

Wondertrash Bogus Zen:

When you have your peace of mind, the rest is a piece of cake.