Wondertrash®

As Angelina Jolie gets closer to her due date, she is getting increasingly ornery. In fact her behavior is completely out of character with the 'woman of the people' and 'defender of the world's down trodden' image she has so carefully cultivated. At least that's the world from the Princess Grace Hospital in Monaco.

Jolie decided that the world class facility might just be good enough for her to drop the twins in, so she sent her entourage to check the place out. That entourage includes the usual battery of lawyers, with their non disclosure contracts and other tedious demands. Insiders complain that it was like thrashing out a movie contract. In fact Jolie even insisted that the hospital permit her goon squad security staff on the premises. These are the same ex SAS people who were so quick to whip out the pistols against paparazzi in India. Jolie insisted that the hospital permit them to 'secure the perimeter', armed with two way radios (as long as they're not loaded!), just to make sure that her privacy would be respected, and her superstar status acknowledged. Maybe she was worried that photos of the twins would leak, before she could do her usual million dollar deal with People magazine. Now that her film career is stale stalled in neutral (Kung Fu Panda not withstanding), this source of income is now more important than ever before. Another couple of kids, and her retirement fund is complete!

That was the last straw for the good people at Princess Grace. The hospital is a public facility, and the administrators didn't want a pack of burly, gun toting bruisers frightening the staff, patients, and visitors. So they did what almost no one else has yet had the guts to do (especially hen pecked, ass whipped partner Brad Pitt - I'm sure his tendency to be easily bullied dominated is the quality that she finds most attractive about him); they stood up to Jolie. They told her in no uncertain terms that unless she came off her ego trip, and came to her senses, she could have her babies elsewhere.

Whether it was by accident or design, the Princess Grace people found the secret to handling the all star Hollywood ego; in the form of those magic words "we don't need you". the take it or leave it response works wonders with diva types, who aren't used to that kind of attitude. The less you cater to them, the more cooperative they become. Cooperative Jolie was too, when she met with PG's chief OBGYN Prof Alain Treisser. Angelina negotiated down from a total take over, to having a special corner, where she would be segregated from the rest of the common people expectant mothers, who's children won't be doing multi million dollar picture deals with gossip mags.

No one ever offered 6 million for pictures of Baby Jesus (though the Shroud of Turin still generates a lot of curiosity - that's fame for you). Well I hope that Brad Pitt has learned a lesson from this. The best way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them. Otherwise you'll have to constantly give in to ever more outrageous demands. I can't help wondering what ever happened to the "I'm like real people" Jolie, who used to grocery shop at A&P's a few years back (and then make sure that the tabloids heard about it). Has pregnancy robbed her of the common touch we all so much admired in her, or merely her PR savvy? Either way this would make on hell of a film. The big question, 'who has an ego big and scary enough to play Jolie?' (Since it won't be her given the current state of her career - that is unless the film is animated). I keep thinking Julia Roberts, or even Madonna now that she's on the 'roids. We don't miss you Angelina, just who you used to pretend to be. Jolie has become a has been handful, and no one likes a handful.

Ok Don Imus, let's see you talk your way out of this one, & you'd better make it good.

Post Script: Angelina Jolie has 'jumped the couch'

I can hardly wait to hear her spin on all this. Maybe something along the lines of "I only requested a private ward because I didn't want to impose all this unwanted attention I keep attracting on the other mothers". How unselfish of the little tyrant. Of course that doesn't explain the crack security team. Tyrants seldom leave home without them, and Jolie has assembled her own Praetorian Guard. Jolie has just reached the point where she lost her touch; her ablilty to sell the public a bunch of made up bullshit about herself. It's a professional tragedy for career ego trippers. Tom Cruise hasn't yet recovered from his time on Oprah Winfrey's couch, and not for lack of trying!

Still you have to hand it to the brave doctors and administrators who had the courage to stand up to a hormonially unbalanced ego maniac. I hear that women can come over feral at times.

Has girl power run amok, or is this another high point for Vegas entertainment? At least they still have Carrot Top. Now that may not be the worst ACDC cover ever done. For instance this Garth Brooks version by Shania Twain is really pushing it, and I'm perpared to put up with a lot from Shania.

Oh Shania, how can you look so good while doing something so bad? Still, the travesties continue.

Wondertrash Bogus Zen:

May you live every day of your life.
Jonathan Swift