Wondertrash®

Now what could be so bad about being Madonna's brother? It's not like Christopher Ciccone is married to her or anything. Then he might really have problems. Incest aside - this post isn't about Angelina Jolie - it seems that there is some family trouble for the Material Girl. You might even call it a spot of brother bother.

Now Madge and Chris had always gotten along famously. During the 80's & 90's, as Madonna's star rose relentlessly, Chris was happy enough to rise along on her coattails. He started out as a back up dancer for his big sister. Then he moved on to being a set designer, and even reached the lofty position of assistant tour manager for the global pop phenomenon. Somewhere along the way things hit a snag.

The snag was when Madonna 'outed' her brother as gay. Now when an unmarried man earns his living as a set designer and choreographer, that may not be telling tales out of school. However that was beside the point. Chris felt that it was his call to make, and not his domineering sister. Further more observers feel that Madonna cynically pulled this move to establish her self as a 'gay icon'. If it's good for Madonna, then it's good enough for Madonna. However now Chris is developing his own agenda, and to Madonna, that's betrayal clear and simple.

Betrayal in this case means a tell all book, of the unauthorized biography type. Chris has penned "Life With My Sister Madonna", and promises to dish all the dirt. Dirt like Madonna getting raped when she was a 21 year old squatter trying to make it in New York. That was back in the period when she occasionally ate out of dumpsters when she couldn't make ends meet (Madonna has since become a sort of expert in making ends meet, in every sense imaginable - and in some ways that defy imagination!). Chris also knows all, and names many, of Madonna's conquests both male and female. Those conquests include Warren Beatty, Sandra Bernhard, Tupac Shakur, Vanilla Ice, Charles Barkley, John Kennedy Jr, Denis Rodman, Ingrid Casares, and 8 out of 10 of the Lassies! Oh yeah, and she deflowered Kim Possible, and was briefly named as the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannilynn!

Now that's a lot of action. When Madonna wasn't bagging sexual big game, she was cruising the streets of New York in her limo, with her entourage (flunkies), making random pick ups. The deed would then be done right there in the limo. Just like a sexual press gang! The imagination reels with images of disheveled and disoriented young New York freaks and hipsters being ejected from the back of the limo, like trash, onto the sidewalk. It's shag-a-reffic!

If that's not enough, Chris goes onto say that Madge the Vag's marriage to the benighted Guy Ritchie is on the rocks. Once again hardly telling tales out of school: Muscle Mary Madge is chompin' down the steroids like Vera de Milo (we only hope that Madge cuts back before her Adam's Apple gets any bigger), while Guy is walking around with a ravaged look in his eyes. Madge has even gone so far as to retain high powered attorney Nicholas Mostyn. It is unclear however whether Nicholas Mostyn esq. has been hired as a preemptive strike against Guy, or to keep brother Chris in his place.

Now Madge feels that its' the very height, or depth, of ingratitude for Chris to spill the beans on her like this. Not that anything about Madonna could shock us at this point. Still that's not the point. They're her secrets, and hers to reveal. They are not for Chris to make a quick buck out of. Much the same way that Chris' sex life was his, and his to reveal if he so chose. It was not for Madonna to use to establish an image. Hell hath no fury like a gay guy scorned? Well either way Madonna has a lot of nerve complaining, but if you know anything about Madonna it's that she always had a lot of nerve. If only she had as much talent.