Wondertrash®

"Spring is in the air and this is a time for change, regeneration and new beginnings. We all know sometimes that life’s problems can be quite overwhelming so it’s really important we learn to relax properly and iron out those everyday stresses and strains.” These sound like wise words, until you realize that they come from controversial vegan, and ex wife from hell Heather McCartney. The words are a excerpt from Lady Bountiful's new 64 page self help manual Get Healthy with Heather (Considering how much she has to say, I expected more than 64 pages. Then again, I guess that she's more inspired when she's tearing down Paul or raging against the press). Heather uses the book to promote the benefits of a stress free life style. Mills is sort of an expert on stress, having created tons of it for her ex husband, the benighted Sir Paul McCartney. The pressure of their divorce proceedings sent Paul to the cardiac unit at least once.

Heather's book is packed with the usual trite motivational quotes which are the standard fare of that genre. Besides bland self help affirmations, her book also promotes radical vegetarianism. For instance animal lover Heather reveals that she has a problem with cows. It seems that cows are responsible for a large carbon footprint on our planet, both in the gas burned to bring them to market, and in their farts.

I can still remember when Republicans were mocked and jeered for suggesting that cows were responsible for global warming. Unlike the Republicans, Heather has an answer to this problem: drink rats' milk! She said: “There are many other kinds of milk available. Why don't we try drinking rats' milk and dogs' milk?” Now if you stop and think for a minute, there is a method to her madness (isn't there always?). If you drink less cows milk, then there will be less livestock farmed, and therefore less greenhouse gases. Besides, rats are so small that the emissions from transport and farting should be negligible. Besides, our cities are packed with rats, and this would provide a humane alternative to trapping the little creatures.

That's all fine and well, but couldn't this suggestion put the cats out of work? We have to think in terms of the whole balance of nature, and not get fixated on specific issues. Besides just you try milking a rat (Not even Al Gore is that goofy)! As usual Heather has gone to extremes in her efforts to control and direct the lives of others. As for the rats' milk, I only have one response for Heather, "you first". Besides, just think of the amount of hot air Heather is personally responsible for spewing out into the atmosphere! So much for Ms. Mills' modest proposal.

We're not down to the reserve milk supply yet!

Wondertrash Bogus Zen: Remember that no matter how beautiful a woman is, somewhere in the world there is a man who's tired of sleeping with her. Now where does that leave us? Perhaps at the beginning of wisdom.