Wondertrash®

The National Enquirer are reporting that Richie Sambora, and heartless bitch Denise Richards are splitsville. Many months ago, Denise stabbed her best friend - Heather Locklear - in the back, by stealing her husband, Richie Sambora. In the process she restored the image of her estranged husband, porn aficionado Charlie Sheen. Sheen had become 'Charlie Sleaze' during the course of their PR war, in which Richards accused him of viewing 'underage' girls on the Internet. While she didn't say child porn, she left it to be inferred.

While Charlie's public image spiralled down to the level of Mike Douglas, or Bill Clinton, Denise quickly schemed and maneuvered to get Sambora. There were even rumours that she'd left some 'incriminating e mails' on Sambora's computer, intending that Heather should find them. As more and more dirt came out, Denise looked less 'sweet and innocent', and Charlie looked better by comparison. Charlie Sleaze became "your friendly neighbourhood pervert". It showed in the rating for his TV show. 2 1/2 Men scored top ratings, as Sheen cashed in on his 'lovable dirt bag' persona.

Well now Denise has had it with Sambora. Apparently she considers him a 'grief stricken booze bag' - Richie, who has always enjoyed a drink, has hit the bottle since his father's death. Meanwhile Denise is dealing with her mother's cancer battle. So she has neither the time nor the patience to deal with a weepy, boozed up Sambora, and has officially cut him loose.

The plot thickens. Without anyone to keep him company, Sambora is looking for 'any port in a storm'. Perhaps that's why he's trying to win Heather back. He's found a novel method too. Sources say that he's constantly on the phone to her, weeping, begging and grovelling. heather is unimpressed with this display of machismo from the former rocker, and maintains that there is too much damage done. They do have children together, and Richie S is hoping to play the 'maternal card' to get Locklear back. You think that Denise and Heather can ever go back to being friends?

Celestia flies again! Anne Heche, star of Men In Trees, and former 'professional lesbian', is divorcing her husband, cameraman Coleman 'Coley' Laffoon. Though she dedicated her book "Call Me Crazy" to him, and credited his love and support for bring her back down from the mother ship - their fight is now getting bitter. Coley is asking for custody of their son, Homer Laffoon (that is not a misprint), claiming that Anne is psychotic, delusional, and has poor parenting skills. I suppose having poor parenting skills is better than lacking good parenting skills, but Laffoon doesn't see it that way - and is asking for $45 000 a month in spousal support. Anne thinks that's way too much to pay for the love and support tat brought her back from the brink of madness, and so is contesting. "Celestia" describes Laffoon's demands as 'astronomical'.

Prada Princess Anne Hathaway was signed to star in Knocked Up, but was canned and replaced by ER's Katherine Heigl. Heigl is the one who so graciously forgave Isaiah Washington for not calling co star T.R. Knight a 'faggot'.

Hathaway was an up and coming young actress, after her breast bearing scene in Brokeback Mountain. She was quite proud of her work, too, explaining that all great art includes nudity, and citing the old European masters as examples. That's when she wasn't defending Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Current buzz is that she'd left Knocked Up after 'creative differences'. I wonder what they might've been - not enough nudity?

The NE is reporting signs of activity, if not actual 'intelligent life' on Planet Britney. After screwing up a performance at the House of Blues, in which her CD began skipping while Brit was lip syncing - the NE reports that she treated her self to a weekend of boozing, shopping, and stripping! At one point she refused to take a flight because the airliner didn't have leather seats. She demanded that the plane be stopped on the runway, so she could disembark. She then charted a private jet for $60 000!

That wasn't all she did either. At one point during her wild weekend, she 'befriended' Reese Witherspoon's ex Ryan Phillipe, in a nightclub washroom. Her bodyguards became concerned when she didn't come back from bathroom break, and so mounted a search party. They found her in the gents, rather than the ladies, and with Ryan Phillipe on top of her! Witnesses say that Britney flounced off as if nothing had happened.

The latest on Paula Abdul's fractured nose. If you suspected that she didn't actually stumble over her chihuahua, then you were right. Abdul's people have denied the original cover story, in their latest cover story. This version is damning enough to be believable, while still probably concealing the actual truth. In other words, you come up with something bad, but not as bad as the truth. Since it's bad, people believe it, based on the "why would they say it about themselves if it weren't true" principle. It's a decoy for the truth. It's a compromise, it's complicated, and it's foolish. She's already admitting to lying, and so has called her own honesty into question. She's basically asking us to believe her based on the fact that she is a liar. As the Arabs say "Only a foolish mouse hides in a cat's ear, only a wise cat thinks to look there". Of course they weren't referring to Fafar.

Now for some fun celebrity anagrams:

Carrie Underwood is 'Adore or crude win'

George Michael is 'I come - he gargle!'

Spiderman's Kirsten Dunst is a 'stunned skirt.'

Justin Timberlake is "But listen, I'm a jerk".

Alicia Silverstone is "erotica villianess".

Brittany Murphy is a 'Tributary nymph.'

Entertainment trivia: Sedavaticanist, and Hollywood movie maker Mel Gibson's full name is Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson, and that spells 'Commie call-girl bludgeoners.' Of course he's "Big Melons" for short.

This Just In: Milla Jovovich has once again postponed her wedding to boyfriend?director Paul Anderson, her director in the Resident Evil films. The explanation? Milla, who is 4 months + pregnant, doesn't want a "White Trash Wedding". By this she means one where the bride, very far along, waddles down the isle.

Of course Milla and Paul have been engaged before, and called it off. The last time, Milla said it was because the ring was too big. Trouble in paradise?