Wondertrash®

...and now a frightening look back at a future that was to become our present, through light, sweet, crude humour...

Advertising is fresh BS with a scent that lingers; buy it now or they'll break your fingers! American advertising is the art of stringing you along! I suppose that the question is 'are they are pitching lines, or just jerking our silly strings?' Now lest you think that they were only joking about the string...

Oh what a tangled web we weave, out of string! In a world with strings attached what springs to mind? Humour! - it's the spring water of the soul! Today's comic relief was provided by Tim Brooke Taylor, Graham Garden, & Bill Oddie, who are also known as the Goodies! When they weren't working out the string theory of advertising, they enjoyed dressing up like chicks! No good ever came out of the Cambridge Footlights Club!!!

Advertising offers us a whole world & more if you count the string attached - just like the devil when he had Jesus on the mountain top!! Those fiendishly clever advertisers must have gotten the idea from somewhere!

TrashFlash: this just in! You won't guess who the other man in the Orlando Bloom-Miranda Kerr relationship is (then again you might have an idea). It's not Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis, and in fact it's no one Miranda knows. Hey OB's a lumberjack, and he's okay!

All the world is a stage but who runs the show? It's either the usual suspects, or the ones least suspect - unless it's no one you know. Here are some of the usual suspects -

Wondertrash Bogus Zen: Children, leave the string alone!

When Heath Ledger died recently, it was without an up to date will. The entirety of the actor’s 60 million fortune went to his family back in Australia - in accordance with a previous will. Ordinarily that would be no problem, except that since that will had been drawn up, Ledger had married Michelle Williams and fathered a daughter Matilda Rose. Failing to update his will was very careless of him.

His family back in Australia, who inherit everything, are aware of the public’s concern about the well being of daughter Matilda. In fact Heath’s dad has made a public state that “Matilda will be looked after. It’s what Heath would’ve wanted“. Now the phrase “looked after” is vague, non committal, and not very reassuring. It could mean anything, including “she’s in our prayers", or even “She’ll be looked after, but I didn’t say be us!”

Oddly that is exactly what is happening. The actors replacing Ledger in what will be his last performance in The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus - and they would be Johnny Depp, Jude Law ("I slept with Sienna Miller and lived!"), and Colin Farrell, have decided to donate their considerable fees to the late actor’s daughter. Naturally Parnassus director Terry Gilliam is ecstatic, and not just because for the great publicity for his film (don’t be too hard on Gilliam. He invested his own money in this venture, and when Ledger died, it looked like Gilliam was gonna be out of business permanently. If Parnassus does even half as well as Dark Knight, the director will be set for life, and in the Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson level of Hollywood directorial royalty! What looked like a problem is now turning into a major promotional advantage - as Ledger’s halo waxes ever brighter!). Gilliam has said “That’s extraordinary! And wonderful… and when you’re part of that, you think ‘Ah, this is maybe why I went into the movies in the beginning’.” In fact Gilliam is even contemplating possibly donating a little of his own expected windfall, maybe. Let’s face it, the really reason that people get into movies is to make a shit load of money!!

Now it’s important not to get too cynical about this. It would be wrong to hold Hollywood to New Testament ideals of human kindness. The main thing is that everything is working out: Matilda gets her money - so that’s goo, Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law are gonna get their money’s worth in publicity, every penny - and that’s good, and poor old Terry Gilliam is saved unexpectedly from the Hollywood poor house, and that’s good. Even Heath’s relatives get to slink back into the wood work, now that no one has any pressing reason to bug them about that 60 million dollars - which by the way they are legally entitled to. Besides, they have other pressing concerns, like defending Heath’s uncle against that charge of stealing farm equipment (these are the people who were gonna take Care of Matilda). So everyone’s happy, and it’s practically a Hollywood ending - except for that bit about stealing farm equipment! In fact it’s all worked out so well that I can only hope Hollywooders don’t get the idea that having an actor die prior to a film’s release is the way to ensure BO success - lest they try and revive the practice of human sacrifice!!

Remember when? - Katie Holmes passes an audtion and Tom Cruise get’s a new bride - 24:00 mins into audio file. Well Scarlett Johansson’s loss was her gain, I guess.

It Girl - Kate Beckinsale is on about ‘it’ again. She really needs to develop some healthy interests like anorexia, or something like that.

Pesci - the Real Thing? - rumours are that Angie Everhart is dating Mikhail Baryshnikov. That must be a big let down after dating Little Joe but at least she’s keepin’ herself in the game. Way to go, toots!

Girl + pole = sex appeal? - Now for some sports updates - for all the questions as to the ethinic origin of ‘pole girl’ Allison Stokke - it’s Norwegian. There is even a town in Norway that bears the family name!

Rememeber to keep reading the trash, ‘cause there’s plenty more shit where that came from …

Remember Pantera?? They became Damage Plan. Their lead singer Dimebag Darryl Abbott was killed onstage in a bizarre shooting on the 24th anniversary of John Lennon’s murder by a derranged fan.

Malaysia's Muslim's are in a bit of a tizzy over Avril Lavinge. In fact the want her upcoming concert to be banned completely. It seems that they find her too sexy, and that has disturbed them. Now Avril can't really afford to have this concert banned, since her career has been in a downward spiral lately. What with allegations of song stealing, and canceling a number of concerts for health reasons (to hung over to perform) she really needs an auditorium full if people to show up and hear her sing. Otherwise her credibility, already in tatters, will be completely gone, and she will be on the express route to reality TV.

Now Avril can't cut out her cat moves. That's pretty much her act. Maybe she can find a way to placate her Islamic hosts, through compromise (Ms Lavinge is a Libra!). Maybe she could do the whole thing, with cat moves included, but while wearing a burka and hi jab? This way everyone would be happy, and Avril could score important sensitivity points through a outward show of respect to foreign customs. When in Rome after all. The hi jab might even improve her singing, especially if fastened tightly over that loud obnoxious little mouth of hers!

Wondertrash Bogus Zen:

Now, as a break from the normal routine of entertainment gossip - Lindsay Lohan's love life, Britney Spears' underwear, and Sienna Miller's latest sluttish home wrecking spree - Wondertrash introduces Sunday Even Cinema.

Tonight's offering is The Silent Flute. It's the story of a young martial artist's quest for ultimate enlightenment.

This was the last film that the late Bruce Lee worked on. Lee wrote the script, together with his student actor James Coburn. Lee had planned to star as the teacher, opposite Steve McQueen as Cord the Seeker, but his death made this impossible. The movie was recast with David Carradine taking on Bruce Lee's role, and international martial arts champion Jeff Cooper as Cord (Dallas fans will remember him as Sue Ellen's psychiatrist).

Following the cast changes the film was down graded from major release to the B movie grindhouse/drive in circuit. It still boasts some major name power doing walk ons - like Eli Wallach, Roddy McDowell, and Christopher Lee, each in 'atypical' roles. Film buffs may enjoy it for that alone.

While the film didn't get major release it still remains a favorite among cult film fans. So here and with out further adieu is the Silent Flute!

When Dennis Farina took over the lead in Law And Order I thought "Great". I'd been a fan ever since his outstanding work in Michael Mann's Crime Story - a sister show to Miami Vice. Farina looks tough, has a slight Lee Marvin like quality, and actually is an ex cop. I also though "Uh oh" because Jerry Orbach was gonna be a tough act to follow. People loved Orbach. Then again he was a hard guy not to.

Orbach started life on October 20 1935, in the Bronx. He was the son of part time performers: Emily Olexy who was a radio singer, and Leon Orbach who was a Vaudeville performer (and restaurant manager when not otherwise employed). His parents lived the gypsy like lifestyle of most show folk, and Jerry moved frequently while growing up, until he University of Illinois, and Northwestern University. Then it was on to study drama with Lee Strasberg at the famous Actor's Studio.

Orbach was a different sort of actor than we're used to today. He started out on Broadway - not the movies, back when Broadway was still the home of legitimate drama, and people like Marlon Brando considered the movies (now called cinema by the insecure and pretentious within the industry. It's their attempt to pump movies up into an art form, by insisting on a fancy name - like Patrica Routledge in Keeping Up Appearances. At least no one has dreamed up the phrase haute cinema, yet). Broadway was a great training ground for actors - you learned whole plays off by heart, instead of a couple of lines at a time; and you performed the play 8x a week, instead of shooting a series of 30 sec to 2 minute scene commercial style, for the boys in editing to re arrange into some semblance of a story later on.

Live theater was very good to Mr Orbach. He received many honors. For instance he was awarded a Tony for his part Promises, Promises - Best Actor in a Musical. He was to be nominated for roles in, Chicago - Tony Award nomination for Best Actor in a Musical, Guys and Dolls - Best Featured Actor in a Musical.

Orbach didn't make the shift to movies and TV until the 80's. there were roles in Murder She Wrote, Dirty Dancing (he was Jennifer Grey's father), and the voice of the candelabrum Lumière in Beauty and the Beast. Once he got the hang of the TV racket, the recognition was quick to accumulate - he received 3 Emmy nominations for his Law and Order work alone. He bagged a few noms for guest work on "Empty Nest" and "Golden Girls".

Shiny little statuettes weren't the only form of recognition that Mr Orbach received. Orbach became a kind of Mr New York toward the end of his life, and the city honored him; in one case declaring him a living landmark, along with LAO cast mate Sam Waterston (Jerry quipped, upon receiving the award "Now they can't tear me down"), and in another naming an intersection after him - a section of 53rd Street, near Eighth Avenue - called Jerry Orbach Way. He also got a Theater in the Snapple Theater Center named after him. In February 2005 he received a long over due award from the SAG, when he was posthumously recognized as Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series.

When Orbach died of prostate cancer in 2004, he had just left his long running engagement with Law And Order - handing over the lead to Farina. He moved on to the spin off Trial by Jury (With Beatrice "Bebe" Neuwirth). He had only managed to complete 2 episodes, and was dead before they had aired. It was revealed that the actor had suffered from reoccuring prostate cancer for over 10 years. He left behind two sons Anthony Nicholas and Christopher Benjamin, by his first wife Marta Curro. He also left to mourn his second wife Broadway dancer Elaine Cancilla. He left more than that behind too. In addition to his many performances recording on film and video, he also left behind his eyes. Jerry was a patron of Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, and his corneas were donated for transplant, and were passed on too two recipients.

A happy hearty birthday to the Material Girl - Mighty Madge. Did you know that she was born under the sign of Vagittarius??

Wondertrash Bogus Zen:
Divorce can cost a lot, but it's worth it!

Another 'hit' for troubled British singer Amy Winehouse. The incident occurred Thursday night, as Winehouse wandered forlornly through the streets for London. The singer was either between pubs, or perhaps riffling through garbage dumpsters as she is wont to do. A middle aged woman saw Winehouse, walked up to her and tried to hug her - while expressing concern about the frightful state that the singer has gotten herself into.

Well Amy proceeded to work herself into an even more frightful state, by lashing out at the woman - who received a good stiff one upside the noggin - and a tongue lashing of the four letter variety. Winehouse's exact words were - "Let f***ing go of me, d***head." Well more or less, I had to clean it up for posting. So a warning to innocent bystanders - should you see the Bride of Frankenstein lurching toward you, give her a wide berth. She has been know to go Bjork on people! Speaking of violent femmes, what do you think the chances are that Winehouse's path may one day cross that of Naomi Campbell?? That would set the fur flying!

In fairness to Bjork, I hear that her bizarre airport freak outs are caused by a medical condition - a form of petite mal epilepsy. Apparently camera flashbulbs can trigger an episode, in the same way that disco strobe lights can cause seizures!

Maybe Amy should try challenging her rage and confusion creatively? Since it doesn't look like she's gonna be releasing an album very soon, she might want to start blogging - it works for me. Or she could start trolling Internet message boards - like Dog Chapman's wife Beth.

Beth was doing some posting recently, on the Offical Dog Webiste, when the subject of Linda Hogan came up. Now Dog and Hulk are friends - surprise, surprise, and apparently Beth knows Linda. Here's what Beth had to say:

“I know she [Linda] told Terry she was gonna fix his ass,” Beth wrote in the “Dog” chat room, “but it looks to me like he looks like an angel and she looks like a slut.”
Beth also explained that her husband Duane “Dog” Chapman, and the Hulk are close pals who talk on the phone three times a week - and the two couples were once close.

“I used to really like Linda, but then we started to get to know her and she is a real drink,” Beth… wrote on the web site.
Access to the site, Dog The Bounty Hunter : Home is free, but fans can pay to enter a chat room visited by Chapman family members.

Well wasn't a mouthful! Now many people are amazed that Beth could call anyone, even Linda Hogan, a slut. Beth ain't carryin' on with an 18 year old, so I think that in this case, Beth might actually be in a postion to sling a little shit. However since the Chapmans are buddy buddy with the Hulkster, Beth might have been using the website as a forum from which to take 'divorce related' pot shots at Linda. Maybe, one day, with time and experience, Amy Winehouse will learn to comport herself with such dignity and comportment! There really is now substitute for maturity.

People have been seeig alot more of Allie Lohan lately. While Dina might be shamelessly insisting that this is some kind of belated growth spurt - others think differently. Find out what sister Lindsay has to say about it, in her own words, on her myspace blog! - Are They Real?

Now another glance at the upcoming Wonder Woman animated movie due for release in Feb 2009

Now from one Wonder Woman to another - Adriana Lima, taken during her visit to a TV morning show.